i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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