its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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