how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
