oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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