I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
