god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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