Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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