I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I pour the whiskey from now on
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
