so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
