once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
