I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I wish there were birth control emojis
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
