so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
