I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
