I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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