You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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