Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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