i just wanna soil my oats bro
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
