It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize