What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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