I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
This is my gift to your gina
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
