i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
