Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
