it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
