five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
