Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
