Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
