i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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