my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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