I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
