About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
