my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
