i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize