i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
