There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
