My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
