I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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