there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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