this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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