God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
