A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
