Moan for me like Helen Keller
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
