so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
