10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
