I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
