so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
