i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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