ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
