Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i love accidental penises.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
