I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
