I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just fell off a train. Bad.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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