I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Randomize
