ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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