can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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