I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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