He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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