a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
