i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Pants are for mortals
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize