Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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