i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
