Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
