Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
