I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
