I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
