sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
