i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize