I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
