I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
