He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
