Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
