you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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