I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
