No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
