Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He had one of those small greek statue penises
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Randomize
