clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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