I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
