I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
not ubering you a puppy
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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