everyone is single if you try hard enough
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
