I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize