i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
