Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
