he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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