I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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