i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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