My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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