are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
