I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
