Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize