is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
