$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
