Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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