There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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