I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
