oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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