We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize