Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
