im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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