It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i think my cat just said my name.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
When are your genitals available?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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