Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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