He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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