Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
